I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
