Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
