I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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