How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
