i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
