Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
