Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
