hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
