I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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