I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
