I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
