It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
