I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
