based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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