i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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