Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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