all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
