You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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