did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
