So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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