I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
