I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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