That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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