I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
