Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
