I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
