I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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