Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
