FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
