I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
