i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
