I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You're breaking my sexual little heart
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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