They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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