Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
