I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
