She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
