yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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