why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
