you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize