Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my being single is dangerous.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
