Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
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The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
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Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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