Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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