You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
