In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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