I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
