Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
