Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
