Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
