4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
