I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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