Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
