Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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