I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
