the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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