I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
