remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
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It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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