dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
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We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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