I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
