i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
