My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
