Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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