Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
