I want to walk on stilts...naked
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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