so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We need to get me chipped asap
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize