I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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