Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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