i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
