That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
