so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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