I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize