First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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